Can'tSleepClaire

I hope none of you have ever met Can'tSleepClaire. She is the worst. She will wake you up in the middle of the night and tell you horrible things so you can't go back to sleep. She often goads me about friendship issues and serial killers. To fully understand just how terrible she is, you need to imagine everything that she says sounds like a mix of a sing-songy, teasing child and that that possessed kid in the Shining. ("Danny's not heeeerrre, Mrs. Torrance")*. If she weren't invisible (and you know, fake), I'm sure she would use the accompanying finger gesture. Last Thursday, she was out in full force.

Can'tSleepClaire: Claaaaaaaaaaaaiiireeeee...hear that noise in your apartment? Guess what. It's a seriaaaaaaal killer. He is coming to get you. And you have to pee. Make your decision: pee your bed or get killed in the bathroom. Your decissssiooooon.

Hey Claaaaaaaire. Nobody likes you. Nobody wants to be your friend. Remember when that mean girl called you fat in middle school? Everrrryybody thinks that. Everrrrryyybooddy hates you. Remember that thing you said to your friend last week? She told everyone because she haaaates you. No one will evvverrr be your friend agaaaaaaain...

She is the WORST. She is way worse than LackofSleepClaire, who alternates between hysterical crying and hysterical giggles.

*Please see 8:38 on this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zv3_bla90L0&feature=related