"The dictionary defines wedding as the fusing of two metals. Well, I think you two guys are two metals; gold metals."

Entering into a (heterosexual) engagement is like playing a strange game in our society. There are weird, unspoken rules that men and women are expected to play by, and most do. Women are not supposed to talk about marriage, or bother their boyfriends about proposing because there is a belief that the more women talk about marriage, the less their boyfriends will want to marry them. To me, this is a very strange social phenomenon; marriage is considered the ultimate partnership, yet the power is put into one party’s hands. I understand that years ago, women didn’t own property and men really did have all the power. Additionally, I respect the tradition of getting down on one knee with a beautiful ring; I just think the pre-engagement game we play is so strange. Shouldn’t both parties have equal say in whether they get married?

Cosmo (my favorite magazine ever!) constantly reminds us of the rules we must play. In the most recent issue I read, Cosmo allowed us a peek into the secret thoughts of men, one of which said (paraphrasing, as I don’t have the magazine in front of me right now) “The more my girlfriend bugs me about getting engaged, the less I want to marry her. I want the decision to be mine.” My mother and stepfather are also hardcore believers in the rules. I have started talking about marrying my boyfriend recently, since we’re getting older and also for practical reasons (he may have insurance through work before I do, so it may make sense for us to marry so I can go to the doctors!) and both my mother and stepfather have chided me for talking about it with him. My mom told me that the more I discuss it with my boyfriend, the less likely that he will marry me and my stepfather echoed her concerns. My mother also told me that she got my stepfather to marry her “by waiting and letting him make the decision on his own.” But marriage is a joint decision, right? Is it really so weird to sit down like adults and have a discussion about getting married and then become engaged? If I keep saying the “M” word to my boyfriend, will he run? Do real men think like this, or just the fake ones in Cosmo?

There is also weird terminology thrown around when talking about marriage. Women are expected to prove to their men that they will be good wives and partners to show that they are “marriage material.” Cosmo often publishes guides educating women about how to show their men that they are, in fact, “marriage material” and you can sure bet that one of the lessons is “don’t talk about marriage.” Language like this solidifies the idea that engagements are one-sided and that the men make all the decisions.

Again, I think the tradition of the man proposing is nice. And I would not object to a shiny, sparkly ring. The whole pre-engagement game we play just confuses me. I have talked to my boyfriend about marriage and he hasn’t run away or thrown a fit. And if he had, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to be in a partnership with him anyways.

[EDIT] This is really only about serious relationships. I don't think it's a good idea for either party to go on a first date talking about marriage.